Kipwil was in the throes of a bad week. Her motivation seemed to have packed his bags and moved back to 12WBT land, leaving her dragging herself through each day. Sergeant JFDI was supremely unimpressed at Kipwil's lack of enthusiasm and missed workouts to the point he couldn't even yell anymore. It reached critical point just before weigh in. He watched Kipwil wander her way through a workout, threw up his hands and left. Kipwil didn't even notice he'd gone.
Things were not as rosy at home either. Kipwil got up on weigh in morning to find Nanny Nutrition scolding the recipes and banging as many pots and pans together as she could.
" Nanny, what is going on?" Kipwil asked sleepily.
" Why don't you tell me the answer to that Kipwil? Why am I finding THIS!" Nanny threw down a Cadbury creme egg wrapper....well to be honest it was three Cadbury Creme egg wrappers that Kipwil scoffed after picking up groceries in the car.
" And that was just today's effort! And THIS!" Nanny flung open the fridge where, to Kipwil's guilty gaze, lay her lunch for the day. Kipwil had opted to eat out and her choice was not a great one.
" This is just the tip of the iceberg! If you were going to do this, I wish I'd never left 12 WBT land!" Nanny Nutrition burst into tears and hurried away, leaving Kipwil looking at the shambles in the kitchen and a bunch of recipes staring at her.
Kipwil went into the bathroom with a heavy heart. She was letting everyone down, most of all herself. Cyril was waiting for her and refused to even say good morning. Kipwil had begun to think there was a glimmer of a little something between Cyril de Scales and Nanny Nutrition and his stony cold silence proved it. She stepped on as gently as she could.
" You weigh 49.5kg. A loss of 700 gms" he said gruffly as the numbers ticked over.
Kipwil smiled and felt much better. She looked in the mirror and thought aloud to herself,
" See? Everyone is just overrreacting, it wasn't that bad at all. I CAN have my chocolate and eat it too."
Kipwil was unprepared for the tireade that erupted from Cyril De Scales.
" YOU SELFISH LITTLE MISS! You think THIS proves you can do what you want? Are you regressing to the early years of childhood?! You FOOLISH girl, this proves nothing. this is JUST a reflection of all the hard work you have put in beforehand. You continue to ignore Sergeant JFDI and you...you...YOU ABANDON the poor Nanny who does only what is best for you and see where you'll end up. What would Queen Michelle say to you if she could see you? What do YOU say to yourself!? PLEASE LAEVE MY BATHROOM AT ONCE!" the clipped English tones were raised as much as was appropriately allowed and the moustache quivered with barely withheld rage.
Kipwil backed out of the bathroom and fled to the river. Even here she felt a guilty twist of knowing she hadn't been swimming for the past two weeks.
But I've started work this week, and it didn't really matter much. I'll pick it up again next week. she thought to herself as she watched the sunlight floating on the ripples of the water.
One of the ripples detached and floated over to Kipwil. She could see very soon it was Diamond Doll, who shimmered her way over to Kipwil's side.
" Oh go on, tell me I'm the worst in the world, I'm lazy blah blah blah" Kipwil moaned a little aggressively.
" I don't have to tell you, you know it yourself." Diamond doll said calmly.
' OH FOR GODS SAKES!" Kipwil yelled," It was one bad week!"
" And one bad week turns to two, one cadbury creme egg leads to three, and missed workouts lead to excuses and you are back in Nothing Ever Changes. We expect more from you Kipwil, only because you expect more for yourself. I think you need to remember your life before 12 WBT land and while you were in 12 WBT land. You need to remember what you were and how you became what you are now." Diamond Doll said gravely.
Kipwil stared out at the river. She sat for a long time remembering the girl who wouldn't try anything new because she was afraid. She could almost feel that fear sneaking up on her again. She remembered all the hateful words that would fill her head about herself. She remembered how tired she felt and how slow it felt to move. She remembered the days wasted because she was sick.
Kipwil remembered arriving at 12 WBT land. Meeting Queen Michelle, being accepted as a citizen and working her way through with the love and support of everyone else. She remembered how good it felt to achieve something. She remembered http://livinglifewithkipwil.blogspot.com.au/2011/08/chapter-1-new-lessons-new-goals.html
She sat in thought for a long long time, well after the sun had begun to sink and the dusk was tiptoeing up the banks of the river silently.
Diamond Doll was right. Nanny was right. Cyril was right. Sergeant was right. She was hurting noone but herself. She could eat all the goblin filled rubbish in the world without anyone seeing but she was hurting herself, and THAT would show up. She was effectively repulsing her friends Nanny and Sergeant away from her, and they had left their home to help her and be with her and she was repaying them badly. She had, as Cyril put it in such a British fashion, regressed to having a two year old mind and was not controlling it in any way. She didn't want to go back to the way she was, the way she thought and felt.
Diamond Doll had disappeared at some point while Kipwil had been sitting on the banks. She trudged home miserably, wondering if Nanny and the Sergeant would even be there. They WERE both there, standing in the kitchen waiting for her. Kipwil sat heavily at the table and apologised.
" I have behaved in a way that was not only rude to you, but rude to myself and in a destructive way. I know if you hadn't pointed it out to me, I would have just slipped and slipped more and more and been back to where I was. I WILL do my workouts Sergeant and I WILL eat clean Nanny. Will you stay and let me prove it to you?
Sergeant JFDI nodded curtly. " 15 km run Kipwil. Be there." and he strode out of the kitchen.
Nanny turned her back.
" Kipwil dear, I did think very seriously about going home. But yes, I will stay." she said in a quiet subdued voice.
" Thank you Nanny" Kipwil said starting to cry a little herself at almost losing such a good friend." I won't let you down."
" Well then, I will see you at dinner after your run" Nanny replied and quietly left the kitchen, leaving Kipwil alone.
Kipwil sighed and wiped away her tears. She had made a mess of things, as per usual, and it was nobody's fault but her own. Well then, nobody could put it right, except for her too and it was time to get to work.
How will Kipwil's next week go? Will she manage to stop giving in to herself? Can she find that mental toughness again? Another episode next week......
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